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FMS & Relationships

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This thought comes from the book "Peak Immunity," by Dr. Luc De Schepper.
At the end of this book Dr. De Schepper tells a story about how he got involved with a woman who had an immune deficient disease.

From his relationship with her, he learned that not only did he not really understand his patients, but he didn't understand what it was like to be involved (friends, family) with an immuno-suppressed patient, or what it was like to be on the receiving end of how these friends and family treat these people they supposedly love.

The main lesson he learned from his relationship with this woman was that the biggest problem was ENERGY. "Energy is one word that dominates the lives of immuno-suppressed patients. These victims do not have energy, or even more devastating, they never know when they will have energy. They feel rotten today, but hope for a good day tomorrow, so that they can put some order into their lives. Yet when tomorrow comes, there is again no energy. 

The reasons are various: the patient may react to a previous treatment; she can be premenstrual; there is suddenly a reaction to a new food; or he becomes ill from automobile exhaust while driving. In fact, the causes are unlimited, and sometimes hard to pin down. 
Emotional traumas, often present, don't help either. So instead of a whole day, the patient can only count on one-third of the day, the other two-thirds being needed for rest, to sit still, waiting for the small rally in mental and physical strength. Sometimes the latter does not come for a whole week, and the daily chores pile up, increasing the anxiety in the patient, especially when the spouse comes in and says: "You had the whole day, what did you do?"

This is the difficult part for the family to understand: The patient did not have the whole day; she might have had two hours of that day. It is very hard for a healthy person to understand this, and it is easy to become irritated with the "lazy" behavior of the victim. But there is no way the patient can push herself beyond a certain point because she will pay tenfold for it the next day. So, if there are two hours of energy left in a day, the patient is forced to use them for everybody and everything else - the long waited chores, the friend that absolutely had to see her, the spouse that wanted to see that movie. But no time was left for her own needs. There are only two things dominating her life: reacting to the disease or the treatments, and spending her remaining energy on everything else but herself. Not a very easy way to live and not a lifestyle that is conducive to healing. The patient feels worthless and the family feels left out of her world. The disease rules the family."

How did he react? How did the relationship end up? They didn't make it. He wasn't able to be "up" for her all the time, and he was a doctor who specialized in treating immuno-suppressed diseases!

He thought she didn't love him enough to do the things he wanted to do, he thought she should want to be with him instead of resting. He had a hard time not taking her disease personally. After much reading and inner guidance, he realized that his love was very limited and conditional. He loved her as long as she behaved the way he wanted her to. The moment he had some expectations and she did not read his mind or could not "perform," he was disappointed. His ego and pain were in the way. In fact, it was his ego that dictated his defensive behavior. Whatever subject came up, he would read between the lines, feel attacked and unloved, and feel justified in retaliating.

As a result of his research and desire for understanding of this disease, he developed "Nine Daily Check Points for the Family and Friends of Immuno-Suppressed Patients."  They are kind of long, so I will put them in the next message.

Remember to take care of #1, YOU! You cannot put anyone else before your own healing.

You know how they tell you during the emergency procedures on a plane to put the oxygen mask on you first and then take care of the children? Its the same lesson!!!

Take care of yourselves!
Blessings,
Liz