Your Personal Power
I'd like to talk about personal power today.
Every one of us must have an internal concept of power - an ability to generate internal energy and emotional resources, a belief in his or her self-sufficiency.
When we let ourselves fall into the trap of drawing power from external sources (our friends, a job, family), we have no personal sense of power and we can become sick. When we define ourselves solely as a wife, mother, daughter, etc., we vest all of our power in those people, and have nothing for ourselves. Having personal power means that you draw from your inner-self the resources that you need to confront the world. You do not hide behind a husband, mother, father, boss, societal laws, etc.
When we allow others to make us think that we need them for our survival, they draw power from us - more exactly, we willingly give it away.
Many of us believe that it is easier to just keep our mouths shut and go along with someone else's program in order to keep the peace, but the truth is that you are giving all your power away to that person and you are becoming a shell--a very sick shell.
Whether you have come to realize it or not, you are a very special person, with values and morals and beliefs of your own. You know what you need to make you happy. You know that dedicating your life to making others happy, while foregoing your own needs, will not help you or them, and it will do nothing for your own empowerment. These are codependent situations.
Does this mean that you should become completely selfish and ignore the needs of your friends and family? No, of course not. But, it does mean that you cannot ignore your needs for the sake of trying to make someone else happy.
Do not let anyone make you feel responsible for their happiness, for it is their job and their job alone to make themselves happy, for if they try to make you feel responsible for their happiness, they are stealing your power. When relationships are at stake, compromise is necessary in order to fulfill your needs as well as the others in your life. If others in your life cannot understand your illness and your special needs, then perhaps counseling will help. If counseling will not help, then you must decide how you are going to proceed, but I urge you not to give up your personal power, because doing so is a certain continued sentence to being in physical and emotional pain.
It is imperative that you be able to speak your mind (i.e. exert your person al power) in any relationship and feel safe in doing so. If you do not feel safe speaking your mind, then there is no doubt why you are sick. Any person who makes you feel that you are wrong for speaking your mind is stealing your power.
It is imperative that you feel heard and that you receive true empathy from those you love. Any person who cannot hear what you are saying and truly empathize with your feelings is stealing your power.
It is also important that your loved ones understand your boundaries. They need to understand what they can expect from you. You will probably have to first make some boundaries for yourself, as we tend to overdo when given the energy! Think about what you need in your life to make it less stressful and more powerful and tell them that these are not negotiable things, they are things you NEED in order to get well.
I tried to explain these concepts to some totally unenlightened family members (I have a boatload full) who could not hear what I was saying because they were so used to me letting them steal my power. They simply could not understand my reclaiming my power from them. It was not on their agenda, but I did my best to TRY to explain to them what I needed from them. Those who did not understand have fallen away, and those who have made an effort to understand are not taking my power any longer. There is an even exchange of power between us, which is healthy.
The goal of this entire message is to help you find an even exchange of power between you and your loved ones. It is natural in healthy relationships.
The easiest way to figure out where the power lies is to ask this question when dealing with someone: Do you feel like they are sucking the life out of you? If so, deal with it quickly, for they literally are sucking the life out of you. Exert your power by speaking your mind and you will start evening out the power levels.
We were born powerful and glorious works of the Universe and we were never intended to live as anything other than powerful works of the Universe. Let your Light shine! Be YOU! Be powerful. I believe that reclaiming your Power is one step toward a healthier, pain-free life.