Rethinking Your Desires

Home ] Up ] Books ]

The following is a copy of an article that was published in the e-zine "Inspired Living." I thought this article was especially pertinent to our lives.  If you enjoy the article, you can subscribe to this e-zine by sending an e-mail to "" 


We all have desires - to have more loving relationships, better jobs, more
money, healthier or more fit bodies, a greater sense of purpose, to feel loved
and accepted, etc. Yet all desires are born from noticing lack in our lives: If
we already had whatever we desired, we would never think to want it. For
example, if you had a job that was rewarding, fulfilling and satisfying, would
you desire a new job? 

Desire is a natural part of life. If desire didn't exist, then all the
prosperity, opportunity, technology, tools, pleasures and abundance in the
world wouldn't exist.

The word desire is generally interchangeable with other words that evoke a
sense of "longing for," each word expressing a different intensity of longing. 

WISH is not so strong a term as desire and has special application when an
unrealizable longing is meant, "I wish that I had more money." 

NEED refers to a condition in which there is a deficiency of something or a
requirement for relief or supply, "I need more money." 

CRAVE suggests a desire to gratify a physical appetite or an urgent need, "I
crave more money." 

WANT specifically suggests a longing for something lacked or needed, "I want
more money."

Each word carries a feeling of lack, yet some words evoke a sense of greater
lack than others. For example, "I wish I had more money." feels like the
speaker may not really believe that he will be granted his wish, while "I
desire more money." is more of a request. Read the following sentences, noting
how you feel as you read each sentence?

I WISH I had more money.
I NEED more money.
I CRAVE more money.
I WANT more money.
I DESIRE more money.

What did you notice about how you felt? Did some sentences feel better than
others? Did you experience a feeling of wanting your money problems to be
"fixed?" Did your thoughts gravitate toward the consequences of not getting
more money? Did you feel a sense of urgency to have more money?

How a word feels as you use it is more important than the dictionary's
definition or someone else's opinion, because you create from the feeling
place. Let me explain: As you think about that which you desire, you either
resonate with having it or not having it. When you resonate with having, you
fully expect to receive what you want and trust that it will appear when the
time is right. It's like saying, "YES, I want this and I know that I will have
it or something even better."

When you resonate with not having, you fear that you won't get what you want or
you focus on the consequences of not getting it. It's like saying, "YES, I want
this and I want it now and exactly the way I've asked for it, because if I
don't get it, I will be in deep doo-doo." It is the latter part of that
statement - the consequences of not getting - that influences your point of
creation, because it is the part that carries the strongest emotion. For
instance, you might be thinking, "YES send it to me, NO I don't believe I can
have it, YES I want it, NO I can't imagine how I can get it, YES please give it
to me, NO not that way." In this example, fear of not having cancels out desire
to have, therefore you don't get what you want or you get it but it's not in
the way you wanted it. 

When desire comes from a place of lack or need - the desired person or object
will fix or eliminate your problems, make your world perfect, eliminate your
suffering, make you healthy or give you love that you believe you would not
otherwise have - it is like handicapping your creations. On the other hand, if
you are grateful for all that you already have, if you are not stuck on having
whatever you want and if you can desire without attachment to the outcome, then
you free your path to having. 

How can you tell the difference between desires that fix your problems and ones
that enhance your life? If you feel that you "need to have" something before
you can feel good about yourself, then you are automatically sabotaging
yourself. If you allow your sense of well-being to be dependent on things
outside of you, your external environment will dictate your sense of
well-being. If your sense of well-being comes from within, your sense of
well-being will hold steady regardless of your environment.

Which would you rather have?

Hope this helps you through the hard times,



(Copyright 1999 Carol A James & Ken Herbert. All rights reserved. This
publication may be freely redistributed if copied in its ENTIRETY.)